Codependency quietly shapes many relationships. Take this free test to recognise patterns that may be affecting your wellbeing.
Codependency describes a pattern where your sense of self-worth and identity become overly tied to caretaking, pleasing, or rescuing others, often at the expense of your own needs. It usually grows from genuinely caring instincts, which is what makes it so hard to see. Healthy care flows between people with mutual respect; codependent care tips into self-neglect, where giving becomes compulsive and your wellbeing depends heavily on others' approval or problems. Recognising this imbalance is not about becoming less caring, but about restoring the balance that lets care be sustainable rather than self-erasing.
A hallmark of codependency is a blurred line between your feelings and needs and those of the people around you. You may find it hard to know what you want, feel responsible for others' emotions, struggle to say no, and base your sense of worth on being needed. Over time, your own identity can fade beneath the role of helper, fixer, or rescuer. This loss of self is rarely chosen consciously; it accumulates through years of putting others first, until tending to your own needs feels selfish or even unfamiliar.
Codependent patterns often trace back to early experiences where love felt conditional on caretaking, or where a child learned to manage others' emotions to feel safe. Understood this way, codependency is an adaptation, not a flaw. But left unexamined it carries real costs: resentment that builds beneath the giving, exhaustion, one-sided relationships, and a chronic neglect of your own life. The very pattern meant to secure love and worth can quietly erode both, leaving you depleted and unseen even as you give and give.
Healing from codependency begins with the radical-seeming idea that your needs matter too. This involves learning to notice what you feel and want, practising boundaries, and tolerating the guilt that often arises when you stop over-functioning for others. It means discovering that you are worthy of love simply as yourself, not only for what you do for people. This shift is gradual and can feel uncomfortable, since it goes against a deeply practised pattern, but it opens the door to relationships built on mutual care rather than self-sacrifice.
The goal is not to stop caring, which is one of your real gifts, but to care in a way that includes yourself. Healthy relationships involve give and take, two whole people choosing to support each other rather than one dissolving into the other's needs. As you reclaim your own needs and boundaries, your care becomes a choice rather than a compulsion, and your relationships grow more balanced and genuine. If these patterns run deep, a counsellor can offer valuable support in learning to honour yourself alongside the people you love.
Your result reflects how balanced care and self-care are in your relationships. A lower score suggests your relationships generally balance caring for others with caring for yourself. A moderate score indicates some codependent tendencies, perhaps difficulty with boundaries or putting others first too often. A higher score suggests codependency patterns may be costing you, and learning to honour your own needs, possibly with professional support, could lead to healthier, more balanced relationships. This test is for self-reflection only; approach whatever it surfaces with compassion rather than judgement.